November 2022

Sometimes an inspiration comes from one simple idea.  Other times things just fall into place as you are going and it all just seems like you planned it out, but you didn’t, it just came together. 

I had been gifted this magnificent buffet, with inlaid MOP, burned wood, and a pure white, marble top.  It is nicer than any piece of furniture I’d have ever bought for myself, and I wanted to highlight it for the holidays

To honor the lovely wood, I thought I’d go more natural with the tree I usually set in that area.

Well, natural for me at least.  They’re  still sparkly silver!  But the decor is centered around nature and family.  Birds from my Mom’s house, hand made bird ornaments from friends, deer, fairies, stars, and  lots of pinecones, from the day Ryan and I gathered them together.

Every time I think of that day, I have to laugh, it had been so funny for us, freezing, while stuffing pinecones in pockets and inside jackets while the big doodle dog pulled on the leash and I slid down the sidewalk, with Ryan trying to hold me back.  
We laughed so hard and joked about it for months, every time we walked by there.  
Of course, it was also the day the dog jerked the leash and messed up my shoulder, but we were still laughing and I remember rolling on the wet ice, laugh crying at one point.

I have only been brave enough to walk on the trail where we found those pinecones a couple of times this year.  And one time resulted in the same laugh/crying on the ground again.  This time, all alone.  And the pain from the loss of Ryan is much worse than a torn rotator cuff.

The Christmas after Ryan died, I returned to our spot and gathered up every pinecone I could find.  Almost as if I could NOT leave any behind, they were all symbols of Ryan and I and where we used to spend so much time together.  So now, I have a lifetime supply of pinecones and they will always be a part of my winter decorating.

This Christmas, I filled the bowl of this garden planter (free at a a garage sale!) with lights and my precious memory pinecones and added a tree filled with hand painted ornaments I’d made for my boy over the years.

When my boys were little, I was a single mom working as a waitress and depending upon my own mom for help.  At the holidays, I would paint dozens of glass balls to sell to anyone I could to raise money to buy gifts for my kids. I never left the house in December without a boxful and was even known to approach strangers in parking lots to sell these. 

And every season, I painted and dated one for each family member.  

The ones I did for my boys were very 80s themed!

Ha, Gremlins and ET!

He loved Frosty and Rudolf.  Ryan loved shows all of his life and it’s fun for me to look back through these and realize just how many were based upon his favorite movies that year.

And as he got older, his first car, the horrid, orange, “Punkin”.

I haven’t unboxed the family ornaments in years, they haven’t been my style or fit in with my current trees.  And I was saddened to see so many were missing. And I wondered why I quit this tradition.  But I am lucky to have these.

Even this heart breaker.