Continuing

While my sister was ill, I spent as much time by her side as I could each day.  I tried to balance wanting to never leave her with respecting her immediate family’s needs to be with their mom.  So, I’d arrive in the morning, set my painting supplies up by her, find some of her favorite movies to watch, then just hang out together until her kids arrived.  Some nights we gathered with other family too, but if it was just her girls there, I’d leave so they had private time.  

I’d help with meds, drinks, shampooing, etc if needed, but mostly we were just together.  Each day Bobbie slept a little more than the day before, but I’d always tell her not to stay awake for me.  Rest and be strong to see her daughters and those grandkids at night.

When she was gone, I felt rudderless.  I couldn’t be with Bobbie.

How on earth was I going to fill my days?

The world just keeps turning.  And we do fill our days.  Sissy and I went with her daughters for a day out to see a shark movie Bobbie would’ve loved.  We all had craft days together making Bobbie’s favorite bracelets.

We spent time with family.

One afternoon, I painted this chair for Sissy.  She loves the designer, Gudrun Sjodren, and wanted this done in her style.  It was an excellent distraction. Painting chairs is good busywork, with all the spindles that are tedious, but also give your mind a chance to wander.  Then practicing a style that I am not used to kept me focused. It was a project that let me both reminisce yet move forward.

For me, keeping busy, staying creative is helpful.  After I lost Ryan, I filled my closet with hand embroidered shirts and worked in the garden until it was a mass of blooms.  Each activity of creating doesn’t exactly heal, but maybe gives me hope? And a sense on continuing.