My husband’s log cabin is progressing.
Joy Joy thinks he is building it for her.
But I think he is building it as a meditation, to help his grieving. Much like me filling my arms with puppies.
Both of us are working nonstop on our projects, he drives the gator through the woods, measuring tree circumferences to find the perfect size to harvest and stack for his walls.
I tend to, clean up after, snuggle and train way too many puppies.
Each of us are fulfilled in our own ways, while exhausted and worn out at the end of the day. Yet with a sense of accomplishment.
Grieving takes many forms, and we were both lucky enough to find something that helps ease the pain that never leaves, but can be soothed.
Although, there are also moments where our busywork backfires. Ryan was always such a huge help with the past litters. I get jabbed by memories of him laughing at silly puppies. Or slammed with overwhelming loneliness when I tuck the babies in at night and he isn’t by my side.
Ryan used to help us with projects outside, but I doubt if he’d have been into the cabin idea. Still, he had a genuine curiosity and appreciation for whatever we were doing and would want to go for a walk around the yard after he got off work to see what we’d done that day.
Plus, that man was STRONG, he worked out daily.
He’d have helped heft some of those larger logs if Rich asked him for help, even if he didn’t particularly want to be a log cabin builder. I don’t know, maybe he would have liked the construction part. He loved watching HGTV building and remodeling shows.
Karla, I love when you share your sweet memories of your boy Ryan. Thank You.
Those grief bursts pop up when you least expect them. But we find the things that help us move forward. It may be tools, it may be pups. It doesn’t matter — it’s what we do to heal. Take care, karla.
Always in our hearts. I am so sorry for this loss.
If we could control our emotions and memories, we’d all be less human. Hoping the puppies and the log cabin help you both in finding some peace.