Author name: Karla Nathan

I have developed a problem.

I

I cannot stop buying beads.

Gorgeous, luscious, luminous, gemstone beads.  Not the kind from Michael’s or local craft stores, the kind you have to order online, or even better- get at a gem show.

 There is one twice a year at a convention center in KC, and it holds vast row upon row of enticing beads.  Also, crystals, rocks, and fossils. Oh and dinos.

I went with a friend on Friday, bought way too much, then went back on Sunday with a Grandfairy who was visiting from NC and bought too much once again.

But can you seriously, ever, say “too much” when it’s about art supplies?  Art supplies are necessities, not indulgences!  

Won’t these pendants add a special bit of wonderfulness to some beaded necklaces?

Here are more pendant type bits too.  I’ll put the stone mushrooms and a few of the other things on leather cords, a couple on chains.  But most will be used in my creations.

While by my sister in the hospital, I made many, many bracelets.  And at Sissy’s house I’d bead necklaces in the evening after spending days with Bobbie.  We all adore crafting jewelry and before she got sick, Bobbie made even more bracelets than I did.  Beading will always make me feel connected to her, and I was emotional walking into the gem show.  The last time I’d been to one was in Indiana with my family last year.

So I was slightly amuck while shopping.  (We are all fans of Hocus Pocus, and when we were all leaving our phones places, forgetting things, saying dumb stuff, we’d say we were a mess.  Then, Sissy said, no, we are amuck!  So that’s what we call this grieving/stress brain fog- we are all amuck amuck amuck like the Sanderson sisters.)

At the convention center, I might have gotten weepy at times.  And I did some dumb things.  Like when gathering up handfuls of rings at wholesale to retail in my booth, I included my wedding rings in with the bag of silver ones.  Luckily, the cashier caught what I’d done and was honest.  Even sweet about it.  When I tearfully told him about losing my sister, he was very kind.

Yes, I weep to strangers about her.  

See how easily I almost lost my own rings?  I pulled them off with the others.  I’m glad I decided to purchase them instead of putting them down and walking away.  I might have put my own rings with the others as I left the booth.

I’m giving myself some grace right now, having a sister shaped hole in my heart makes me sorta unstable.  Or as we say, amuck. I’m constantly on edge, and anything at all  can make me cry.  From something cute I see, to a touching moment in a movie, to  seeing the aftermath of wreckage on the road (the loss those people must be feeling!), or just a pretty pile of beads, I cannot be trusted to stay calm.  

But I’m owning those tears.  And not apologizing.  Bobbie earned each and every one.  

While staying with Sissy, I spent most evenings beading after being with Bobbie during the day (I was painting while sitting with Bobbie, it helps me to stay busy). 

Sissy would cook something healthy and delicious, we’d watch some tv, pet pups, and play with jewelry supplies.  Sometimes we’d cry together, too.

I will treasure these times with both of my sisters. While tragically sad, these days were also shining moments in my lifetime.

The three of us all love making jewelry, but Bobbie was just too ill at the time.  Although she couldn’t make any pieces then, we could still talk about beads and design and we looked through what she’d been working on previously.

She had racks and racks of bracelets and necklaces in every color of stone.  

I took her advice and ordered some high quality gems from Tejas beads, and was so pleased when they arrived.  

Thanks for the tip, Bobbie, these are beautiful.

 I already miss having my big sister to look up to and talk about things with.  I don’t know if she had any idea what an influence she had on my life.  From an introduction to painting as a child, to finding peace in adversity. And finally, in learning about how to gracefully face some of the biggest challenges life offers.

She left this world bravely and with little complaint.  Typically, I whine about any tiny thing.  I’m going to try to learn from her last weeks and be a stronger person.  She was quite an example of calmness throughout her life, but even more so at the end of it.  And she looked good while doing it.  She kept up her skincare routine, wore lipstick,  her sparkly watch, and pretty rings through it all.

I’ll follow her example of excepting what we cannot evade, being calm under pressure. Then put on some lipstick then order more great beads from Tejas.