Author name: Karla Nathan

For Ryan’s 40th birthday, he wanted his apartment fixed up.  He chose the paint colors and flooring, we got light fixtures and ripped out his bathroom to replace the shower, toilet and sink.  

There had been a kitchenette that he never used in the living room, so we pulled it out and covered up the plumbing hook ups.

After he died, we switched it up a little, and purchased a new bed, but mostly left it as it was.  We just enhanced it and made it more fitting for a guest to stay in.

Then for various reasons, it was occupied by family members all between leases and waiting to move to their new places. 

As they brought their belongings in and out, Ryan’s things got shifted and resettled, we gave his couch away to make space, finally took some things to goodwill, sent his gaming systems to others who might use them, and well, it just didn’t feel the same afterwards.  
We used to go in there sometimes to feel close to him, and no longer could do that.

Now that it is empty again, I wanted to honor Ryan by using some things he cared about, but make the room even more functional as a guest room.  Also, I got a new sofa in my own living room, and to save money, took my old one up to the apartment.

It’s a very different style than the previous couch.  But I think it still works in the room.

Amazon had a stretchy, seat cushion cover that warmed up the white on white look, and I found some great pillow covers there too.  And ticking striped curtains!  I really liked those, and since the other ones had been attacked by kitties and had to go I had a good reason to splurge.

Hopefully, these additions make the couch less foofy/girly than it was when I had it covered in floral pillows for the last 15 years while using it in the cottage.

His coffee table needed the top repainted and I went with gray, but then didn’t like that with his Black and Tan rug, so I got this runner to tie in the colors better.

People were so generous with floral arrangements after he died.  I’ve saved each vase and have been covering them in mosaic glass.  

And while this sounds pretty silly when I tell you about it, it’s very meaningful to me.  Ryan was always the first one up after every meal, clearing dishes, scraping the glass cook top with a razor and wiping out the microwave.   He also used to hang out and chat while I did pour paintings, even though he didn’t make any himself (I wish I’d pushed him to try!)

So here is the silly part.

When our microwave needed replacing, I saved the glass tray, primed it, and made it into a painting.  It is now a tray in his room.

Half of his space was set up as a home gym, which we took down because my husband already has a workout space in his office.  To honor Ryan’s dedication and in apology to him for taking out the gym, I placed this stone that says “strength” on the microwave tray.

Its all just symbols, Those little things were not here when he was here.  But they are chocked full of meaning to me, none the less.

Same with these two pictures.  They were not his, but they remind me of Malarkey, the red bird that drove Ryan bananas by dive bombing the windows.  That bird was a regular part of our conversations and Ry went back and forth between laughing about him and hating him.

 I hung the vintage prints so the story will be a part of this room.

The area that held the gym, now has a table and chairs. 

They also, have nothing to do with my son.  But I painted them in the colors he chose when we redecorated the room on his birthday.

His guitar hangs on the wall.  It has a pretty, mother of pearl inlay and he loved it. 

There are so many changes to his space.

Just like there are so many other changes since he died.  Things do continue to go on and to morph, don’t they?  But the memories are there and the love is forever.  While this room no longer looks like it did when he lived in it, to me, his light will always live on in there.