celebrations – Page 5 – Karla's Cottage

Fairy Family Fun

By Karla Nathan / January 3, 2021

Katie Tree’s wing making idea was just plain brilliant for our family’s holiday.

The crafting started on the Winter Solstice and we had a tasty Ramen take out meal, so no one would have to stop to cook.

That part was MY brilliant idea. Not cooking? Yay!

I knew we would need extra time to create these flights of fancy.

What I didn’t know, was that her gift to the family of wing making supplies would turn into a full week of working on these off and on together.

It was an actual gift that just kept on giving.

We had bonus craft dates while the project continued, and everyone was in and out of the studio til New Years.

I went from crying at the grocery store over trying to plan a minimal Christmas, without both of my boys and missing one girl to rejoicing over the surprise of Adam and Dewdrop showing up, and then having a house and studio full of family fun for days on end.

Right up til New Year’s Day, when we had a fairy dress up party together.

And of course, the newest family member, little Molly, got a set of wings to wear to the party too.

We only had a couple of precious days with my boy, but he left Dewdrop with us for a week.

My kind hearted husband offered to drive her halfway home to North Carolina and meet up with her dad for the drop off. Instead of tagging along, I am spending time undecking the halls and editing fairy party pics.

Ha, who am I kidding? So far, I have just sat and edited pretty pictures, played with pups, and snacked on leftovers. (Pumpkin pie cake makes an ideal breakfast)

I have a book that is calling out to me, but I’m resisting, and gearing myself up for the tree tear down.

I shouldn’t be procrastinating, the chore won’t be hard. I kept the decor soooo simple this year, there isn’t much to take down.

I plan on leaving up the lights and frosty leaf garlands over the windows for adding some sparkle to a cold January.

This Christmas certainly was an unexpected joy in a dark, sad year.

I will be savoring the memories as I tuck away the trees.

Well, actually as I shove trees into the closet and do my best to shut the door.

Thank you, Katie, for such a fun project!

I think we need to plan a spring time, Fairy Tea Party for more dress up fun.

Winging away from 2020

celebrations, fairies, family

By Karla Nathan / January 1, 2021

The construction part of my wings is completed. I think I’d like to add dangling ribbons and flowers to the center.

I have Katie Tree to thank, not only for the group project itself, but for actually helping me craft mine. The heavy duty wire was hard for me to bend, and she twisted the main shape with her strong, aerialist’s hands.
I used smaller wires to make the embellishments, then wrapped it in glitter ribbon.

Mine are on a smaller scale than the rest of the family. Some are quite large, all are turning out to be magnificent.

This is actually two sets, a mini that Thia practiced on before finishing her grand scale set. They can be used separately or together.

The black on mine is more glitter ribbon wrapped around the wire. After doing it, I wondered if it was a good idea?

I like the look for when the wings are hanging on the walls, but when I wear them, will I seem to have antenna jutting out from between my shoulder blades? When I am all fairied up, I’d like to be correct in my Fay anatomy.

This is the first year that I haven’t done a year end, sum up type post. With all that happened in 2020, it didn’t sound fun to sum up.

Instead, I’ll look forward to soaring away from last year and looking only to the future.

The handmade wings felt like a much better way to begin 2021 than a look back on the sadness of 2020.

Thank you for the Solstice Wing party, Katie Tree!

celebrations, fairies, family, holiday decor

By Karla Nathan / December 23, 2020

Katie Tree brought over all the supplies we needed to create fantasy fairy wings to wear for winter solstice.

The rest of the family was making life size wings, but I wanted to check out the materials and get a feel for how they went together so I made a few smaller ones to put on our naked, untrimmed Christmas tree.
I am glad I tried it out on a smaller scale first, I got to know how to work with the supplies. I gave one set to Sugarwings to destroy with the lighter and heat gun, which she enjoyed doing and which showed us just how much heat was too much.

While I was just “winging it” with quick twists of wire, everyone else was on track to craft works of art.

They each drew a pattern into cardboard, and traced it with wire. And yes, elf ears were provided as an essential part of making the wings.

When my husband heard about family wing night, he was pretty excited til he realized that a bunch of vegans and vegetarians were actually coming over to make cellophane wings, not chicken wings.

They are all turning out wonderfully, so I think I will have to whip up a pair for myself too. Plus, with the giant wingspan, they are perfect for marking your territory for social distancing!

Once the wire is ready, you lay the piece onto cellophane and use spray adhesive to attach it on both sides, press it into place, let dry, trim away excess, then melt with the heat gun for a tight fit.

I learned with the mini practice wings that too much glue or too much heat could cause them to turn opaque. And getting too close with the heat melted holes into them.

Once they are done, I’ll get the girls to model the finished product, photos coming soon!

I also made one set of wings, inspired by the angels on Victorian Christmas cards.

Hooked on gingerbread houses

celebrations, cottage, family, Food and Drink, holiday decor

By Karla Nathan / December 20, 2020

After having so much fun making wooden birdhouses into gingerbread, I just had to make more.

Of course, I tend to go all in with a new craft and flood the market with my creations. But this year, I was making them just for us, so reigned myself back just a little.

And after a decade of making real gingerbread houses that looked like a toddler had done the work, I was excited to be working on one with paint instead of icing. Puffy paint, meant for tee shirts is so much easier to use than those plastic bags of icing that come with the house kits.

Since I was using wood and chipboard, I thought it was important to use cookie colored paint, as much as I like pastels, I wanted it to look as realistic as it could. Plus the village was going into our Cocoa Corner, where our colors were more traditional than my other holiday decor.

Sugarwings has a couple to finish too, and they will be squeezed in when done. There is always room for more!

We have already had to shuffle the area around a little. At first, we were using our tea party cups from Sugarwings’ other grandma who passed away. But with the giant, cocoa bombs we made, we figured we had to get some bigger mugs, so switched the dainty cups for hefty, Santa mugs.

The largest, chipboard house is ideal storage for a ziplock baggie of cocoa bombs. The roof comes off, like a lid and there is plenty of space inside.

When we are ready for our cocoa parties, my grand fairy comes to this buffet to gather up all the supplies and set the table. We have some very strict guidelines for drinking hot chocolate, first and foremost-

Cocoa parties can only occur in front of a lit Christmas tree!

A few more rules-

Tea party rules apply: polite chitchat, best manners, etc.

Watching Christmas shows on the TV while drinking cocoa is encouraged.

The table must have a cloth on it and napkins can be paper, but must be pretty.

Santa hats or antlers need to be on your head.

A Forever Gingerbread House

celebrations, family, Hand painted, holiday decor, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / December 13, 2020

One of our favorite holiday traditions is making gingerbread houses.

This started way back, when Sugarwings was even younger than in this photo. She would have a house that was a work in progress for a month or so, adding to it as a craft project for the whole holiday season.

We never ate any of the candy, and were adamant about calling the goodies “decorations” never candy. We saved them up and used them year to year, those candy pieces that come with the packaged houses do not rot. And I even wonder if they are edible anyway?

When Dewdrop came along, she joined in too with her own house. But learning about not eating the decorations was hard for her. We were constantly hollering, “That is older than you are!”

In the last few years with the addition of new grand fairies joining the group, we have turned Ginger Bread Night into a family event and I started stocking up on clearance priced kits at the end of the year. We still call out,

“Those decorations are older than Mayara!”

Because some of those gumdrops are honestly from ten years ago. No one is seriously tempted to eat them we just enjoy saying it.

When Ryan finally switched to a job where he could be around in the evenings, I discovered that he had an obsession with holiday baking shows and the Gingerbread wars were his favorite. We watched them together and would plan our own super structures. (They still turned out like badly done kits, which is what they were, but we loved dreaming that we could accomplish artistry.)

Sugarwings and I decided to build a gingerbread village from wooden birdhouses in honor of her uncle, who loved the creations so much.

I used some metal pieces painted white and buttons on mine.

The icing is puffy paint and glitter.

While mine is still not equal to the mastery of the shows Ryan and I watched together, I think that I do much better with paint than with royal icing.

And it had been awhile since I shared studio space with this kid. She is now a teen who doesn’t appreciate being photographed while trying to concentrate, so don’t judge the grumpy face pictured here. We had a great day together and look forward to making the rest of our village.

A place to hold hands and reminisce for our 35th anniversary

celebrations, cottage, flowers, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / August 9, 2020

For our 35th anniversary on Monday, I wanted to find a meaningful gift for my husband.

Since Ryan died, we have spent a lot of time sitting in our gazebo, listening to the wind chimes and thinking about our boy.

We watch the chickens play in the sprinkler, talk to the dogs, and hold hands. It has become our place to remember Ryan, and to be together.
Oh, and drink some wine, too.

So when it came to picking out a gift, I figured that a matching set of cozy rockers to sit in together would be ideal. I searched online for something just right and wasn’t having the best of luck. Then, I saw this set (on clearance, too) at TJMax and knew they were just what I had been looking for.

When we remodeled Ryan’s apartment for his 40th birthday, he chose everything in the rooms, and had gone with a lot of grays in a kind of modern, farmhouse style (he watched a lot of TV decorating shows for ideas).

These rocking chairs would look equally good with Ryan’s color scheme as they do in our garden.

I think he would approve of them.

Once I set them in the spot, I realized that rocks aren’t great for rockers… so I went back online and found a matching, outdoor rug. From Walmart, and it seems to be of a nice quality and looks pretty good there.

It is a peaceful place that has become very special to us. I can see us sitting there together, holding hands and reminiscing throughout our next 35 years with each other.

Looking back and finding joy

celebrations, Corona virus, family, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / July 22, 2020

The last few days, I have looked back through my entire blog. I have never re-read it before, except in bits and pieces. (And it did take DAYS). I had hoped to find photos of Ry that I didn’t have saved in my computer, and I got lucky and found quite a few.

Often, they were like this one, big family shots with Ryan as part of the background.

Or this, where he is helping with a chore around the yard. Ryan was often part of the background, or working.

But then, jackpot! Here he is showing the pure jolt of joy and happiness that he never held back on when he was excited.

Looking back through 13 years of blogging, I saw so many blessings in my life.

Some things long forgotten, others a deep part of me. Tough times have come and gone, but through this journal that I have faithfully kept, I can see how lucky I have been over the years. (I also saw some some really cool things that I am kicking myself for selling.)

We are all going through an unprecedented rough time right now with the virus raging on and taking away so much from us.

Maybe we all need a look back at the past to remember our blessings to hold onto them in our hearts, to get through what we are dealing with in the present.

My heart is forever damaged with my boy gone, but having happy times past and future to keep in my thoughts does help.

I had began with recent posts and scrolled backwards, diligently staring through all the photos, occasionally reading something that would make me grin. When I’d find a picture of my son, sometimes there were tears, but more often, smiles.

Coming across the photo of Ryan showing pure joy near the very beginning of my writings, after a few days of flipping through pages of millinery, smiling babies, painted roses, beaches, sisters, adventures with friends, circus, travels with Rich, and other Good Stuff, was like finding the golden ticket in a chocolate bar.

Yes, I have been lucky in my life. I had not only all of those wonderful experiences, I had this moment with Ryan. When he was so happy, he leapt into the air like a kid.

Those are the moments we need to hold onto. With those, will get through this.

In the land of heart shaped rocks

celebrations, Corona virus, family, Ryan, sea shell fairies

By Karla Nathan / July 12, 2020

We have been doing some traveling. Yes, I know that in the Time of Corona, that is an iffy thing. But we have a new RV that allows us to avoid all public restrooms and restaurants, we roll with our own kitchen and bathroom. All we need to do is pump gas, then park and picnic inside the bubble of our little home on wheels.

This trip was to Wyoming, where the virus hasn’t become a big threat. We gathered at the spacious lake house we’d gone to before on our big family reunion. This time, the attendance was much smaller, due to the concerns of the plague hanging over us all.

Honestly, I was not a fan of the idea. Shouldn’t we all just stay home, doing our part to stop the spread?

But, my husband and I are dealing with our boy’s death in different ways. I couldn’t even speak to anyone at all for along time, he wants his people around him, and was especially missing his family. Whom I also love, and love to spend time with. It meant a lot to him, he needed his people.

I felt more than a little guilty about indulging ourselves with a vacation/family reunion but knew that this one was about as safe as one could be.

Buying the new camper made me feel pretty secure. And we questioned everyone we were going to be seeing on their practices. Our family members had all been careful, working at home, shopping at early morning senior hours, staying in, etc.

A couple of weeks ago, we took the RV to North Carolina for the grand fairies to see their daddy, and while NC is far from as virus free as the remote lands of Wyoming, that had gone well and had also been very careful there.

So, I took some of Ryan’s ashes from the urn Ed Noonen had gifted us with and carefully packed some in the “to go vase” he had also made. Actually, the small vase was a separate gift, not exactly meant to be a traveling ash container, but it seemed ideal for that purpose. I have mentioned that Ry wasn’t fond of getting out and seeing the world. But when we last vacationed in Casper, he rode along and had a great time.

We had pulled a camper then too. Not because the lake house was too crowded, it sleeps DOZENS, but to provide a private place for him to retreat to if needed. We practically forced him to come and used the fact that it was his grandma’s 85th birthday to guilt him into it.

And we were so glad we did. He joined in, laughed with everyone, took long walks in the hills with me, helped in the kitchen, and even placed pretty high in the ping pong tournament. It was such a pleasure to remember him there with us, that we wanted to spread some of his remains in a spot that had been special to us.

This might sound odd, and might also mean that I am totally losing it, but carefully tending to the ashes, and wrapping them up to take along reminded me of taking care of him as a baby. Geez, why did I even tell you that? I do sound crazy. And grief will do that to you. Maybe I felt like I was doing something for him like I used to when he was just little?

Sugarwings and Dewdrop went hiking with their cousins and all of the girls brought back heart shaped rocks for me.

I do not remember seeing any at all when we were there three years ago. But on this visit? They were abundant.

The largest rock is next to his urn now. The teeniest is wrapped up in a note to him, inside the urn.

When I came across the smaller, almost perfect heart, I knew it would be an ideal bodice along with the larger hearts as wings and skirt, to form an angel for my boy.

There is twisty, weathered wood all around too. I picked up pieces to make a frame around his angel. Then took the ashes out to it, and let Sugarwings sprinkle them over it all.

While I hadn’t thought I needed this trip, like my husband did, I found out that I certainly had. Staying in a unique spot that was full of happy memories and being able to create this angel for Ryan with stones found by the girls was good for me.

As was spending time with two of the dearest sister-in-laws anyone could have. Both of them offered their own big hearts to me when I sobbed.

My husband says the time was healing for him.

I can’t say that for myself. Right now, I don’t see any possibility of ever healing.

But I can say that when people who care about me were there to listen to me talk about our loss, and to show their love, I knew that I had not lost everything. It is good to feel their love, when I needed it so badly.

I know that with this virus ramping up and raging through our world, not everyone has the luxury of buying an RV to go be near family. Although our son is dead, I still feel blessed for what we do have. And my heart goes out to those who suffer through the loss of the ones they love completely alone due to the isolation we are all going through.

A look back, it is good to have a blog to keep as a diary

celebrations, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / July 5, 2020

I was looking through past blog posts to see if I could find photos of Ryan that I didn't have in files. Here are some stories that I discovered in my archives.

I hope Ryan knew how much pride I had in him. I can't believe that when he was little, I used to think that I would be taking care of him all of his life, but he turned that around and became the person who took care of me. There wasn't a single day with him that he didn't try to do something for me, big or little. But the caring and the effort was always there. Thank you, Ryan, for always being there for me.

Here is a post from January 2012. (Yes, he needed a haircut, but he was still pretty dang cute)

My oldest son had a birthday this week. I realized that I rarely get photos of him, so when the family took him out to celebrate at his favorite restaurant, I made sure to bring my camera.

He always chooses this Japanese steak house on his birthday for Sugarwings because he knows she has so much fun there.

He's a loving uncle, a handsome guy, a hard worker, a sweet man, and I'm proud to have his as a son.

He has a strong work ethic and has been working 2 part time jobs for years, but just recently went full time at one of them.

He goes to the gym almost everyday, takes care of himself, saved up for and bought his own car, does his own laundry, and is a good cook.

He lost about 100 pounds and has kept it off for years and years.

Ryan has never had it easy. He has to try a lot harder than other people, but he never gives up. He has excelled in his life and when I tell people that my son works full time at a convenience store, I say it with a big glob of pride, every bit as much pride as the mother of a gifted student who becomes a rocket scientist would have.

Probably more pride because I know how he has struggled to get so far.

When customers are rude to him and tell him to hurry, I wonder if they realize how hurtful that is? That they are being cruel to someone who always tries his hardest and has accomplished more than anyone ever thought he would?

They don't see past the surface.

I think people see his blue eyes, handsome face, and 6 pack abs, and don't even realize that he has learning difficulties. They might see how shy and quiet he is and not realize that he has a speech problem, they will just think he isn't friendly, or has little to say. He has also been called stoned or drunk when people hear his speech or see that he is slow at times when trying to do something.

Ryan has been taken advantage of by some bad people in the past. Low lifes who used his sweet nature against him, so now he lives with us, in an apartment we built over my studio. Its important for him to have his independence, but also to be near family.

But we are lucky to have him here. He helps around the kitchen, mows our acreage, carries in groceries, and never, ever leaves a room without saying "I love you". And that is usually accompanied by me getting a kiss on the top of my head.

Is my family as perfect as it looks on the surface? Oh heavens no.

When you look past the surface you see something better than perfection.

You can see what caring, love, and strength built by adversity and a determination to make it all work better than it should, can do for a circle of people who need each other in their lives.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

And here is a post from July 2015, when we took the entire family to Florida and Ryan surprised me by saying he would go to Disney too:

Ry Guy said he wanted to come to the park too. Now, he has been a bit of a recluse for the last 10-15 years. He doesn't like crowds, and doesn't get out much. He is a big, ole, sweetheart, but has a lot of anxieties. I was worried about him coming on the trip at all, let alone spend time at the park with the hoards of people. I promised him his very own room, so he could retreat if needed.

And you know what? He didn't need to hide. Ryan gets the Happy Camper Award for best vacationer. He was amazing, and I saw a side of him that I didn't know he had. I could tell that at times, it was not easy for him, but he made himself stick it all out, even when he had the option of going back to the hotel to get away from the heat and the people.

He stayed with me, knowing I was tired, and hadn't got much rest, and was there for me all day when I needed him. And when hotel rooms needed to be changed around, he stepped up and offered to share. I was proud of my son, and how he left his comfort zone behind when he joined the family on this vacation.

Big memories, but a small memorial

celebrations, Corona virus, family, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / June 21, 2020

We had an ancient oak on our property, just over the creek. My husband would snuggle under it with his little grand fairies and tell them family stories. He wanted to share memories of people who had passed and places they had come from.

They always called it the “Grandfather Tree”.

When it was lost to a storm, we had it turned into a dining table, big enough to seat our whole family without pulling in extra tables for more space. When we were together, we were a total of 11, and I’d joked it was a Nathans’ Dozen, kinda like a bakers’ Dozen wasn’t exactly twelve either.

When Ryan died, his Indiana cousins sent a tiny oak for us to plant. I don’t know if they knew about the Grandfather Tree, or if it was just luck that the gift they sent was also an oak. But when Sugarwings saw the type of tree, she suggested we call it “The Uncle Tree”. She used a wood burning tool to write that on a sign her daddy made from some cedar planks we had.

We planted the little tree, and most of the remaining Nathan Dozen sprinkled some ashes on it, while saying something about Ry Guy. I had confetti to throw too. He would have thought that was funny.

He was always laughing with me.

As I was gathering up the wrappings the oak had come in, I almost threw away a small, silver plaque that said “The Cousin Tree” that had been sent along with it. We added that to Sugarwings’ sign.

The oak is near our gazebo, filled with the wind chimes we received and the ones Ryan had hung there.

On the other side of the gazebo is a weeping redbud that was sent by the Guncles, and a vintage rose bush sent by a friend.

Rich and I like to turn on a sprinkler that waters them in an arc around us, while the hens play in the spray and the breeze makes the chimes sing to us. On the hottest days, this is a cool, shady place to sit with a glass of wine in the evening, holding Dorothy (Ryan’s favorite dog) on my lap.

Ry and I had a habit of watching a tv show together every night after dinner, and this has taken the place of tv watching for that hour. It is comforting.

Sometimes, I sit there and embroider.

The roses Ryan had planted for me were in full bloom the day we planted the Uncle Tree, so we placed some ashes around the rose bush too, and on the iris bulbs he had planted. Although the rest of the iris around the farm were done, there was one last flower in the patch.

Because of the Corona Virus, there was no funeral.

There was no hustle bustle of running to the airport to gather up family members and hugs from far away.

Ryan was a quiet guy who didn’t care for crowds. With his sensory disorder, crowded places were physically hard for him to be in. But he was also a loving soul who enjoyed his one on one conversations when he was in a group.

I feel bad that he did not get a big goodbye, but he is one of many who could not have the funeral they should’ve. We have lost over 100,000 people, plus the ones like my boy, who died, not from the virus itself, but from what I feel is Covid related circumstances.

Maybe our small gathering due to social distancing was just what Ryan would have preferred. And while I missed being able to have a funeral, I felt as if I had gotten hugs from afar with all of the cards, letters, flowers, and gifts that caring people had sent.

I treasured each and every kind message, comment, and thought. I am rereading notes, drying flowers, and saving empty vases to mosaic on. We are tending bushes and trees sent in his memory and listening to the melody of the wind in the chimes. Each and every compassionate item that came to us helped, and was appreciated.

Thank you all for caring.

And Ryan, thank you for being my friend, walking buddy, caretaker, horror movie watching companion, helper, and my little boy.

I will always miss my baby.