This pandemic seems to never stop.
Daily, I hear that multiple people I care about have gotten ill, or can’t get a test, or were exposed. Not just a few people here and there, but
every
single
day.
The never ending contagion is always lurking in the back of my mind, a constant, “what’s next?”
It isn’t so much waiting for the next shoe to drop, it feels more like waiting for the next elephant to drop.
There is just a lot of sadness and worry rumbling and grumbling around in the backgrounds of our lives that sometimes we don’t even notice, it’s just a part of things.
But it’s there. Like having bad elevator music as the new soundtrack of your daily activities, you try not to listen, but then you find yourself humming some abhorrent song that you can’t shake.
Stir in a little inflation, a pinch of supply chain struggles, a big dollop of potential school closings, flavored with the hard to swallow taste of politics and there you have it- underlying trauma brewing and simmering in your brain.
Then, the regular ups and downs we all face are added over those underlying, relentless worries. No wonder you read about people snapping, they are stretched too tightly!
I'm so lucky to have a wonderful network of friends and family who support each other, and are there to talk to. But when so many of them have sad news to share, sometimes it just feels hopelessly sad all over.
I consider myself an even keeled person. Someone who rolls with situations, does what they can to improve what can be improved and deals with what can’t. And I vent, things don’t stay bottled up. If you know me, you know every thing that has recently delighted or disappointed me because I am sharing it all.
But the other day, my spring was sprung.
Something that should not have turned into such a huge moment did, and I was so angry that my heart was racing, my head felt as if it might explode. I talked myself down, made plans that could take care of the issue if it arose again, then decided I would craft some jewelry to give away, taking my thoughts off of myself and onto creating and thinking of others.
As the day went on, my shakiness and headache became worse not better, and I thought I should take my blood pressure (which is usually maintained at a nice, low rate). It was high, but not sky high. So I took Advil and a needed nap. When I woke up, I felt worse and the BP was now at that sky high point.
After a few hours at the ER, it came back down, no damage done. The nurse and doctor I saw, were stretched to their limits but compassionate. I felt silly taking up their time during a pandemic, but they told me not to feel that way, that stress can cause physical problems and that when it affects you that strongly you are in the stroke/heart attack danger zone.
So, take care of yourselves, don’t ignore the stress that eats at you, it can gobble you up if you let it.
I thought I had a handle on things, but did I? Do you?
