Ryan’s birthday

The 27th is Ryan’s birthday which makes his birthstone a garnet.  I decided to make myself a garnet bracelet with a silver heart to wear on his day.

Bobbie’s last name was Valentine and the anniversary of losing her is two days after the holiday, so I made one in honor of her too.  

After losing ones I love so much, reminders aren’t needed, they stay in my thoughts.  Sometimes as a soft murmur in the background, others like a wail. Or a quiet giggle heard from across the room.  A constant reminder.

Still symbols and trinkets while not needed, can be pleasant to have.  With a glance at my wrist while wearing these, I can imagine Ryan looking over my shoulder while I am crafting and saying, “That’s cool, mom”.  Or sharing pictures of my creations with Bobbie, who loved making beaded bracelets too.  

Grief hasn’t left me, but it does take on different forms.  Since losing my sister in February, I’ve had some rough patches. There were some times when I simply didn’t care much about the world around me, and I was doing just the bare minimum to get by.  Some days, maybe I didn’t even get that much done.  

I might be in a better place right now, but who knows.  The sadness is always there, the missing them never ends.  

We lost a kind hearted brother this year too.  I grieve for him and his family who are experiencing a year of “first times without”.

I have no advice for anyone who has experienced death of a loved one.  All I know is that those I love will always be with me.  And I take solace in the little things, the sound of Ryan’s wind chimes, fixing his favorite meal, making a bracelet with he and Bobbie in my mind as I create.