family – Page 15 – Karla's Cottage

Dealing with grief in our own ways

dogs, family, Goldendoodle Puppies, puppies!, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / November 15, 2020

My husband’s log cabin is progressing.

Joy Joy thinks he is building it for her.

But I think he is building it as a meditation, to help his grieving. Much like me filling my arms with puppies.

Both of us are working nonstop on our projects, he drives the gator through the woods, measuring tree circumferences to find the perfect size to harvest and stack for his walls.

I tend to, clean up after, snuggle and train way too many puppies.

Each of us are fulfilled in our own ways, while exhausted and worn out at the end of the day. Yet with a sense of accomplishment.

Grieving takes many forms, and we were both lucky enough to find something that helps ease the pain that never leaves, but can be soothed.

Although, there are also moments where our busywork backfires. Ryan was always such a huge help with the past litters. I get jabbed by memories of him laughing at silly puppies. Or slammed with overwhelming loneliness when I tuck the babies in at night and he isn’t by my side.

Ryan used to help us with projects outside, but I doubt if he’d have been into the cabin idea. Still, he had a genuine curiosity and appreciation for whatever we were doing and would want to go for a walk around the yard after he got off work to see what we’d done that day.

Plus, that man was STRONG, he worked out daily.

He’d have helped heft some of those larger logs if Rich asked him for help, even if he didn’t particularly want to be a log cabin builder. I don’t know, maybe he would have liked the construction part. He loved watching HGTV building and remodeling shows.

A much needed excursion

Corona virus, family, holiday decor, Sugarwings

By Karla Nathan / October 11, 2020

Fall is here and for now, the weather is about as perfect as Kansas can be.
I’ve been pretty busy with the 101 Doodles under our feet, and decided we needed a break to enjoy autumn.

With remote learning, Sugarwings isn’t getting much social time, so we picked up a pal and headed to the pumpkin patch. (Car windows down and masks on)

Not knowing what to expect, we were pleasantly surprised to find it opened, although modified for Covid safety. No hay rack rides or mazes, but plenty of pumpkins and slushy cider.

Getting out and doing something “normal” for the first time in months felt wonderful. We had taken the grand fairies on family camper trips, but those were very confined and careful.

It had been MONTHS since we had just done a casual, day out. We have missed going to craft days, movies, plays, zoos, restaurants, etc.

A sunny day with a slight breeze and a continuation of a 14 year tradition of visiting the pumpkin patch was exactly what we needed.

There are two pumpkin patches nearby, and we wanted to give some business to both, so headed down the road to a second one also. It was more low key, just set up like a market, no holiday attractions this year.

But they did say we could go for a walk in the fields and pick our own if we’d like. That made it feel more festive.
We were the only customers, so I was glad we stopped by.

It was a soul soothing kind of day for me.

Scheduled Snuggles

dogs, family, Goldendoodle Puppies

By Karla Nathan / October 8, 2020

The Butterball batch of pups is transitioning to staying out in the breezeway on nice days.

Family was here for a BBQ to enjoy the pretty day and help the babies adjust to leaving their cozy indoor nest.

With so many pups to socialize, I can use all the help I can get. These babies need an abundance of cuddles to grow into extra loving pets.

And we have just the crew to get it done!

Rich and I take turns, two at a time, holding them while watching our favorite tv shows at night. Sugarwings is with us for the next week or so, and I am sure she will take on more than her share.

And this might be a step too far, but I have ordered a hands free baby sling to wear so I always have a puppy with me.

I have 16 babies who all need equal time, and not that many hours in the day without drastic measures!

Guncle Time

family, Food and Drink, guncles

By Karla Nathan / September 22, 2020

The Guncles came to visit for three days, and we were so busy, and had such a good time together, (Plus packing the camper for a trip to NC) that I wasn’t taking photos.

We cooked, went boating, set up a puppy nursery, crafted, and laughed throughout.

My husband wanted his grandma’s recipe for pickles, and Randy is the keeper of her boxful of treasures. Grandma Nathan was most known for her German Pancakes, and there have been family debates on how she made them. When I found this, I photographed it and sent it out to sisters.

The next morning we tried it out. Actually, I tried making them, and am not a recipe person.

When I cook, I kind of make things up as I go along and eyeball measurements. But these needed to taste EXACTLY LIKE GRANDMA NATHAN’S.

So I got out my measuring cups, that family often tease me about because they have no markings to say what size they are.

And of course, I screwed it up by using a full cup of milk and water instead of a half, so I had to start dumping more ingredients in to make up for it.

Nope, mine were not EXACTLY LIKE GRANDMA NATHAN’S.

The Guncles did the rest of the cooking while they were here and even brought fresh seafood packed on ice all the way from Florida.

oh my

It was the best!

The visit went by way too quickly. It had been ages since Kevin had been here with us and I wish they could have stayed longer.

I love those guys.

Little Red Doodles to Hold

dogs, family, Goldendoodle Puppies, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / September 19, 2020

Honey has babies!

It was a wild ride getting them here. The night before they were born, she started nesting, and decided she did not like the whelping box. Every time we let her out of our sight, she started to dig, including through a wall.

That girl wanted to build a den.

Once we got her settled, she went right to work, and calmly had 8 pups in under 3 hours.

I sat up with her a few more hours, then went to bed.
(There were lots of ups and downs all night, letting her out, feeding her, making sure pups were warm.)

The next morning, we discovered a bonus puppy who came sometime after midnight and I didn’t even notice.

5 girls, 4 boys.

The adventure reminded me of her first litter, when she actually did dig a den to give birth in. Ryan and I had to hunt for cold, wet, pups in the dark with a flashlight.

You can see the story HERE.

When the two dogs went into heat, I wasn’t sure if we should breed them this year. But the thought of fluffy puppies to snuggle was too hard to resist. After losing Ryan, I thought that would be just what I needed to start healing my heart.

In the past, Honey has had a false pregnancy, so I doubled down and had both dogs bred- just in case.

Now, I had two very pregnant dogs, and was ready for all that healing to start as soon as I saw the first baby.

But hearts don’t recovery that simply, do they?

And with Honey’s determination to dig her own nest, it all brought back memories of my son, by my side in the rain, hunting for little puppies. I felt his loss even more, if that is possible.

Over the next couple of months, I’ll miss him by me as they are fed from a spoon (he laughed at how spoiled they were) and I’ll miss him when I watch our favorite shows with a lap full of pups, knowing he always loved holding the little ones with me in front of the TV and should’ve been there with an armload himself.

But as I tell Sugarwings when she is sad about her uncle, losing a loved one means you need to love the ones around you even more.

Death teaches us how quickly we can lose someone, and we should learn from that, and treasure our time with family.

I know how quickly these next couple of months will go by. In a flash, the puppies will leave to go be loved by others. But for now, I am drying my tears and treasuring these moments with them.

My heart will never heal.
But there is always room in its pieces for love and for puppies.

Thanks to Ryan- Camping on the River and Playing with Rainbows with a Overdue Break from iPads

Corona virus, Dew Drop, family, Ryan, Sugarwings, Travel

By Karla Nathan / September 11, 2020

We made a quick trip to Asheville to take Sugarwings to be with her dad and sissy before school started.

Both girls are doing virtual school, which can be done from any place with WiFi. Which means more possible trips during the school year.

It seemed smart to let them get settled into the new classes before doing that, though. We wanted to have a visit, and be home before school began.

It was good for them to be together, and play outside. They made three foot high bubbles with a giant wand and modeled for each other with a rainbow light. There was hiking, waterfalls, and a walk through a bamboo forest.

Honestly, between losing Ryan, and trying to cope with the pandemic, we have been failing as grandparents. Sugarwings has had a lonely summer when staying with us, besides a few boat outings, and trips, we are dull on a daily basis.

I usually make efforts to take the grand fairies out during summer break.

A typical (non 2020) week would have included daily crafts, one outing to a zoo or discovery zone type place, one afternoon at a movie, and one project. Plus screen viewing breaks for biking, walks in the woods, or some other outdoor activity.

But in this summer?

There has been a scarcity of guidelines about screen time.

In the past, they were expected to craft while watching the iPad or tv. And to watch a TedEd or nature show on breaks from their regular shows.

This summer?

ha!

Half hearted rules were attempted, but as each week went by, this poor kid was going deeper and deeper into TicTok videos and YouTube, without any interference from me.

Time outdoors, without iPads was just what she needed.

And sister time, was even more necessary.

My husband and I were missing our far away family. Loading up the camper to go see them again meant a lot.

Our son has a new home on an acreage that holds an organic farm.

While it is hard for me to have Adam and Dewdrop so far away, I was comforted by seeing how he lives.

He loves his green building job. And lives in a beautiful place.

I miss them terribly, but knowing he is happy makes me happy for him.

Pulling our camper makes it easier to visit, and thanks to Ryan, we can do that.

We purchased the new trailer with Ryan’s insurance check and I consider it his last gift to me. We can travel away from home, but always feel like we have Ry Guy near us.

He loved giving me gifts and was always so excited about them that he had a hard time waiting til it was time to pass them out. He preferred giving them to me before the rest of the family came for holidays, because he was such a private person.

The wind chimes he bought for Mother’s Day will always be treasured because they meant so much to him. He and I used to walk around the yard, trying them out in different spots until we found the exact place that got the most breeze for the prettiest sound.

I can just imagine his pride in knowing that he had gifted us with such a nice camper. I hear his voice and feel his love every time we use it.

I’d like to craft a sign to hang in it, in honor of him. For now, there is a photo of him hidden inside the refrigerator door panel. When we purchased the trailer, the fridge doors weren’t complete yet. I taped his picture to the liner of the door and had the technician leave it there when he added the permanent doors.

We also want to bring some wind chimes on our trips, along with some of Ryan’s ashes to sprinkle by the camper each time. He will always be with us when we are on the road.

A Getaway to the Asheville Mountains and Waterfalls

Corona virus, fairies, family, Ryan, sea shell fairies, Travel

By Karla Nathan / September 8, 2020

Asheville, NC is home to some kick ass waterfalls, and while visiting, we trekked down to the base of one and spent some time playing in the water.

That place was over crowded, as I feared many Labor Day vacation spots might be, so I was extra cautious and had the family mask up, even outdoors, when strangers got too near. And did my best to constantly scoot away from people encroaching upon my space as I gathered shiny, quartz rocks to make a fairy to leave by the falls.

Since others simply didn’t seem to understand social distance guidelines, I left the pools at the bottom of the falls and found a cozy, mossy bed away from traffic for this sprite to make her home.

She is in a shady area, so you don’t see how the crystal sparkles in the photo. But she is entirely made of glittery bits and pieces. And look at the itty-bitty, fingertip sized crystal heart that I found for her to hold!

It was the first part I found when I stepped into the clear water, and I created the fairy around that heart.

You can tell how beautiful the water is here. And the rocks shining through were either frosted with mica or crystal. Each was a sparkling treasure.

I didn’t keep any from there, since it was a park. But, I was so tempted. Instead, I left my fairy as a thank you for nature’s blessings to me.

She sits at the end of the trail, right by the first boulders of the pools, so I hope some kids find her there.

Being with my boy, and his daughters in such a magical place was good for my husband and I. Some days are harder than others without Ryan, but no days are easy.

Being in a tranquil spot with loved ones was much needed.

Summer has floated by

Corona virus, family, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / August 31, 2020

Ha! Sugarwings found the perfect spot for shade on the boat, hiding under the tube with her big sis. “Turbo” is a good nickname for her, that arrow pointing her way is pretty accurate.

Funny, last year the lake, and much of KS was flooded. We didn’t take the pontoon out a single time. That felt like a big issue and worry then.

But then 2020 came along, right?

I’d much prefer 2019’s deep puddles to what this year has wrought.

But as I’ve said.
We go on.

I find my happy moments.

Cherish what I have.

Appreciate that I’m lucky to have so much.

We have spent some nice afternoons and evenings on the lake, with loved ones and friends.

The water has been serene and just what my soul needed. Laughs with friends, snuggles with kids, lots of tasty picnics.

In years past, Ryan rarely came out to the lake with us. So, it isn’t a place where I expect to see him, like I do around the house or on walks.

The boat has been a pleasant respite from the sadness. And it’s been fun to be with grand fairies.

Our summer began on the boat, getting together for the first time in months with people we missed on Memorial Day weekend. After corona virus isolation, the experience was so rich and wonderful, I soaked in as much joy and sunshine as my soul could sop up.

Then my world crashed the next day, when we found Ryan’s body. One of the happiest days of my life was followed by the worst.

Labor Day is coming up this week, and summer is coming to a close. We will still have some lazy autumn afternoons to float along and enjoy the changing leaves.

Everything changes, seasons pass.

The virus is changing our world, but the best part we can do is hang on to what pleasures we can find, right? I am grateful for peace, wherever I can find it.

I am still redoing rooms, and moving things about

collections, Corona virus, cottage, family, Kitchen remodel

By Karla Nathan / August 23, 2020

A couple years back, I decided I needed a big hutch type piece to use in the kitchen for extra storage. I found a large base cabinet, and a tall book shelf with glass doors that worked.

But wasn't just quite right.

THIS piece is very much right!!!

And very old and well made. Look at the construction of the drawer!

This is what I had before (it is now in the studio, which means a big shuffle up out there and a cabinet from the studio being moved to the breezeway, and well, more shuffling).

See, it holds a lot, but wasn't just quite right. I did like the way I could see all the of the dishes behind glass, but all of this and more fit into the newer, larger hutch.

I might miss the display area behind glass when it is time to dust. The new one has much, much less of that.

But it holds soooooo much, much more inside the doors and drawers below that I am very happy with it.

My Apple Watch has been broken for months. And I have been too cheap to replace it. But when I saw this, I didn't have second thoughts about being cheap, I'd looked for so many years for a hutch that had this much storage space.

Plus, I have been on an organizing, cleaning, and storage redo blowout lately.

When this came into the house, I decided to take every single thing out of all of the other kitchen cabinets and rearrange every bit of it.

Maybe it is my way of dealing with grief.

Maybe it is from being cooped up in the house for so many months.

Either way, my many redos have been helpful. I've fixed up Ryan's room, the gazebo area, both little grand fairies' rooms, the breezeway, part of the studio, now this. I'm running out of house to redo.

Even though I knew this hutch was ideal when I first saw it, and was ready to buy it in snap with no thought, I did have a horrid moment when I realized how heavy it was, and how many other big pieces of furniture would have to be moved to make space for it.

And remembering that Ryan, my "Machine", was gone. He was so strong, and so helpful, that was his nickname. He just kept going, working hard and making it look easy.

He was always around to carry and move things for me.

I was knocked over with pain as these thoughts went through my mind.

There are going to be a lot of those moments. A lot of that pain.

But we go on, don't we?

My very strong, older grand fairies came over to help. We used pads to slide the piece through the house. Between the two girls and my husband, they hefted it out of the truck and lifted the large top piece onto the base once they got it into the kitchen. It is even heavier than it looks, and we all missed Ryan while it was being moved.

A Heroic Rescue

cottage, family, kitties, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / August 20, 2020

Since we got big dogs, our outdoor cats have made themselves scarce to me. Ryan took care of them from his porch, where they had a safe place to enjoy a peaceful meal, with no dogs around.

I knew he cared for them, but had no idea how much time he’d spent with them until he was gone and they started to brave the dangerous hounds to come out to get our attention. We often see them talking to us from the top of the shed, or climbing up to the patio for a visit. If the dogs aren’t out, Joy Joy will follow me around the yard.

They miss him too.

The other day, Pumpkin was crying loudly and sounding desperate. Rich guessed that the dogs chased her under the shed. My husband was equally desperate to get her out, and I figured that if she’d crawled under it, she’d find her way out if given time. But he insisted, “he wasn’t going to let anything happen to Ryan’s cat.” And went to get a shovel, a hydraulic jack, and some cement blocks.

I was fearing that jacking it up one way, would smash her on the other side. But the area she was we thought she was crying from was butted up to the garage and he couldn’t lift it from that side.

And the shed was sitting on the edge of the hill down to the creek. When he started jacking it up, it even slipped a little that direction and I could just picture it rolling down the slope, bouncing off trees and throwing its contents every which way.

Rich placated me by raising the building a little at a time on each side, and sliding rocks under it as he went, until he got all 3 sides high enough to brace with the cement blocks.

It scared me the whole time, but I am a big chicken about stuff like that. I imagined smashed fingers, knocked over buildings, and worse. Plus, I was not 100% sure the sound was coming from underneath.

He assured me, he saw Pumpkin’s white face under the front corner.
After getting the building high enough, we still heard her crying. But it did sound different.

Yep, there she was, up a tree.
Did she climb out the back while he was raising the front? Or had she been in another part of the tree the whole time?

Under the front corner where Rich thought he saw her, we found this- a mama and seven babies. She had a white face too.

Maybe Pumpkin ran from the dogs, discovered the opossum, and froze under the building, hiding from both?

Well, the cat was now safe, no matter where she’d been or how she got there.

But we couldn’t (and when I say ‘we’, I mean Rich doing all the work while I fretted and worried over his shoulder) lower the shed and not be sure we wouldn’t smash babies.

The shed had to stay on blocks over night, hoping that the little family would find a better place to nest.

Of course, I fretted that the dogs would try to get to the babies and somehow knock the building off it’s blocks, so we kept them inside just in case.

Everyone relocated as we had hoped by the next morning and I let Rich put everything back without my shrieks of “be careful!” “Watch out” “that does NOT look safe” and more.