family – Page 15 – Karla's Cottage

A book for Ryan

Books, celebrations, Corona virus, family, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / January 27, 2021

When Ryan died, I looked on Facebook, my blog, old albums, anywhere I could to gather photos of him.

With a break to raise puppies, I have been working on a scrapbook for him since.

Some times, the pictures and memories would reduce me to a puddle of snot and tears so, I couldn’t work on it every day.

The goal was to have it done today, his birthday.

He was a guy who loved his birthday! He usually took a week off of work, just to relax.

Although, relaxing for Ryan meant going to the gym to work out and walking 20,000 steps a day.

I will celebrate his birthday by going for a walk, and have been trying to get one in daily this week, like I would’ve if he’d been with me.

On cold days, we’d go to the community rec center. I was worried about using it now, but checked it out, and it is pretty empty. The track is built as a loft over four basketball courts that are not open due to Covid. It is a newer building and seems airy.

On nice days, I walk on the sidewalks and trails we used to go on together. But there has been a cold streak in Kansas, so I needed to use the track for his birthday week. Which is tough, because it requires a mask. That in itself is fine, but when I am thinking of how much I enjoyed running, walking and talking with my boy, I start to cry.

You can’t cry well in a mask.

So, I listen to an audiobook and try not to sob and get my mask soggy, since I can’t take it off to blow my nose.

Ryan’s book is finished, I made it from the canvas of a pour painting that he hung in his apartment.

I wish he would’ve joined me in creating a painting of his own. He did hang out with me as I swirled and played with paints, and he loved watching them come together.

The charm on this book was a pour paint necklace that he wore.

The book itself is a planner from Hobby Lobby. I cut the painting off its frame and pieced a gold toned canvas together to cover the exterior.

The interior is covered in a red canvas he also had in his room.

Ryan’s life long friends gave me an entire folder filled with sketches and doodles he did over the decades while playing card games with them!

What a treasure!

Some I cut up to make a collage, others I used as backgrounds as is. And the rest I used as additions throughout the book. I included some condolence cards too, this page is made of a card from his friends’ mom.

It’s too bad my hand writing isn’t nice, but it was still very important to me to add stories, so I didn’t let it bother me.

On this page, I listed some of his favorite tv shows, that we’d watch together.

And I added a few on my own doodles too.

Now that it is done, I am wishing that I’d bought a bigger book to use. This is stuffed tightly, and I would’ve liked to add printed pages from my blog about Ryan. There is no space left in this book.

I will keep this book by my favorite chair.

There is no recovery from a loss like this.

But there is comfort in reminiscing, and in memories.

Working on this album was healing for me.

And I’ll be glad to keep it nearby.

Fairy Family Fun

celebrations, fairies, family

By Karla Nathan / January 3, 2021

Katie Tree’s wing making idea was just plain brilliant for our family’s holiday.

The crafting started on the Winter Solstice and we had a tasty Ramen take out meal, so no one would have to stop to cook.

That part was MY brilliant idea. Not cooking? Yay!

I knew we would need extra time to create these flights of fancy.

What I didn’t know, was that her gift to the family of wing making supplies would turn into a full week of working on these off and on together.

It was an actual gift that just kept on giving.

We had bonus craft dates while the project continued, and everyone was in and out of the studio til New Years.

I went from crying at the grocery store over trying to plan a minimal Christmas, without both of my boys and missing one girl to rejoicing over the surprise of Adam and Dewdrop showing up, and then having a house and studio full of family fun for days on end.

Right up til New Year’s Day, when we had a fairy dress up party together.

And of course, the newest family member, little Molly, got a set of wings to wear to the party too.

We only had a couple of precious days with my boy, but he left Dewdrop with us for a week.

My kind hearted husband offered to drive her halfway home to North Carolina and meet up with her dad for the drop off. Instead of tagging along, I am spending time undecking the halls and editing fairy party pics.

Ha, who am I kidding? So far, I have just sat and edited pretty pictures, played with pups, and snacked on leftovers. (Pumpkin pie cake makes an ideal breakfast)

I have a book that is calling out to me, but I’m resisting, and gearing myself up for the tree tear down.

I shouldn’t be procrastinating, the chore won’t be hard. I kept the decor soooo simple this year, there isn’t much to take down.

I plan on leaving up the lights and frosty leaf garlands over the windows for adding some sparkle to a cold January.

This Christmas certainly was an unexpected joy in a dark, sad year.

I will be savoring the memories as I tuck away the trees.

Well, actually as I shove trees into the closet and do my best to shut the door.

Thank you, Katie, for such a fun project!

I think we need to plan a spring time, Fairy Tea Party for more dress up fun.

Winging away from 2020

celebrations, fairies, family

By Karla Nathan / January 1, 2021

The construction part of my wings is completed. I think I’d like to add dangling ribbons and flowers to the center.

I have Katie Tree to thank, not only for the group project itself, but for actually helping me craft mine. The heavy duty wire was hard for me to bend, and she twisted the main shape with her strong, aerialist’s hands.
I used smaller wires to make the embellishments, then wrapped it in glitter ribbon.

Mine are on a smaller scale than the rest of the family. Some are quite large, all are turning out to be magnificent.

This is actually two sets, a mini that Thia practiced on before finishing her grand scale set. They can be used separately or together.

The black on mine is more glitter ribbon wrapped around the wire. After doing it, I wondered if it was a good idea?

I like the look for when the wings are hanging on the walls, but when I wear them, will I seem to have antenna jutting out from between my shoulder blades? When I am all fairied up, I’d like to be correct in my Fay anatomy.

This is the first year that I haven’t done a year end, sum up type post. With all that happened in 2020, it didn’t sound fun to sum up.

Instead, I’ll look forward to soaring away from last year and looking only to the future.

The handmade wings felt like a much better way to begin 2021 than a look back on the sadness of 2020.

Painting with thread on black

dogs, family, flowers, Goldendoodle Puppies, Painting with thread

By Karla Nathan / December 29, 2020

Once the puppies were living in their new homes in November, I found myself at a loss on what to do with my time. Those babies were pretty much a 24 hour a day job for me for months. Those guys needed so much care they really kept me hopping and I had no time for creativity.

Molly just did not understand when I went from Puppy Servant back to my own life, she had only known me as the lady who spent every waking hour (and some during the night) catering to the needs of her and her fluffy sibs.

Not that she wasn’t still getting plenty of attention, but I was also doing some things just for me too.
She soon figured out that she could lay on my feet while I stitched. As long as I was close, she accepted that I wasn’t playing with or petting her.

I am still not completely caught up on sleep, Molasses needs to potty a couple of times during the night, but I have convinced her that 5am wake up calls are not acceptable to me and that she needs to go back into her kennel until at least six.

Some days, she has even made it to seven, if I put Honey in there with her!

She is a very mild mannered, calm girl. But when she needs to go out at 3am, she is quite insistent.
While I am not sleeping as much as I wish I was, It is enough that my spark is returning. I had this shirt to embroider for my sweet, hippie kid who loves flowers.

Since I mailed his gift box to North Carolina, and he surprised us by hiding under the tree and popping out on Christmas Eve, I don’t know if it fit him, or if I got a little too dainty with the flowers. If it isn’t what he wanted, he can pass the shirt along to Sugarwings and I will stitch another.

It felt good to be working on a project again and I’d enjoy an excuse to do more. But not a black shirt. That was more difficult than any other stitchery I have done. Typically I use a washable marker to draw on the fabric, but on black, none showed up. I was making it up as I sewed with this one.

I’m sure Molly would be happy to keep me company if I need to work on another shirt. And I appreciate the warm toes on a cold night when she does.

A Christmas Surprise

cottage, Dew Drop, family, holiday decor, Sugarwings

By Karla Nathan / December 25, 2020

Merry Christmas!

We had a surprise visitors! Dewdrop and her Daddy hid under our tree on Christmas Eve, Sugarwings and I did not know they’d be here.

It just isn’t Christmas unless Sugarwings’ Daddy falls asleep on the sofa with her on his lap.

She was so happy to have him here.

And this goofball brings joy with her wherever she is.

Everyone was enjoying the surprise.

There was pie baking, cookie decorating, fairy wing creating, and candle pouring throughout the day.

On the day before the night before Christmas, Sugarwings and I were missing our littlest, goofiest fairy. She made some purple wings for her baby sister on craft day, and was sad she wasn’t here to give them to her.

We hadn’t set up the tree in Dewdrop’s bedroom, and I hadn’t gotten our big tree out either. We decided it would cheer us up get the large tree out of the closet after all (at bedtime) and she decorated it with all of Dewdrop’s ornaments so we’d feel close to her.

Then, there was Dewdrop and her daddy, sitting under the that tree the next day!

Typically, I spend hours making sure the tree is perfectly decorated. This is the year, that I discovered that it isn’t the way the tree looks that matters. I have enjoyed my mostly naked trees with just twinkle lights and no ornaments beyond some pine cones for Ryan. And I love this quickly set up tree decorated by one grand fairy with my other grand fairy’s things.

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

Thank you for the Solstice Wing party, Katie Tree!

celebrations, fairies, family, holiday decor

By Karla Nathan / December 23, 2020

Katie Tree brought over all the supplies we needed to create fantasy fairy wings to wear for winter solstice.

The rest of the family was making life size wings, but I wanted to check out the materials and get a feel for how they went together so I made a few smaller ones to put on our naked, untrimmed Christmas tree.
I am glad I tried it out on a smaller scale first, I got to know how to work with the supplies. I gave one set to Sugarwings to destroy with the lighter and heat gun, which she enjoyed doing and which showed us just how much heat was too much.

While I was just “winging it” with quick twists of wire, everyone else was on track to craft works of art.

They each drew a pattern into cardboard, and traced it with wire. And yes, elf ears were provided as an essential part of making the wings.

When my husband heard about family wing night, he was pretty excited til he realized that a bunch of vegans and vegetarians were actually coming over to make cellophane wings, not chicken wings.

They are all turning out wonderfully, so I think I will have to whip up a pair for myself too. Plus, with the giant wingspan, they are perfect for marking your territory for social distancing!

Once the wire is ready, you lay the piece onto cellophane and use spray adhesive to attach it on both sides, press it into place, let dry, trim away excess, then melt with the heat gun for a tight fit.

I learned with the mini practice wings that too much glue or too much heat could cause them to turn opaque. And getting too close with the heat melted holes into them.

Once they are done, I’ll get the girls to model the finished product, photos coming soon!

I also made one set of wings, inspired by the angels on Victorian Christmas cards.

Hooked on gingerbread houses

celebrations, cottage, family, Food and Drink, holiday decor

By Karla Nathan / December 20, 2020

After having so much fun making wooden birdhouses into gingerbread, I just had to make more.

Of course, I tend to go all in with a new craft and flood the market with my creations. But this year, I was making them just for us, so reigned myself back just a little.

And after a decade of making real gingerbread houses that looked like a toddler had done the work, I was excited to be working on one with paint instead of icing. Puffy paint, meant for tee shirts is so much easier to use than those plastic bags of icing that come with the house kits.

Since I was using wood and chipboard, I thought it was important to use cookie colored paint, as much as I like pastels, I wanted it to look as realistic as it could. Plus the village was going into our Cocoa Corner, where our colors were more traditional than my other holiday decor.

Sugarwings has a couple to finish too, and they will be squeezed in when done. There is always room for more!

We have already had to shuffle the area around a little. At first, we were using our tea party cups from Sugarwings’ other grandma who passed away. But with the giant, cocoa bombs we made, we figured we had to get some bigger mugs, so switched the dainty cups for hefty, Santa mugs.

The largest, chipboard house is ideal storage for a ziplock baggie of cocoa bombs. The roof comes off, like a lid and there is plenty of space inside.

When we are ready for our cocoa parties, my grand fairy comes to this buffet to gather up all the supplies and set the table. We have some very strict guidelines for drinking hot chocolate, first and foremost-

Cocoa parties can only occur in front of a lit Christmas tree!

A few more rules-

Tea party rules apply: polite chitchat, best manners, etc.

Watching Christmas shows on the TV while drinking cocoa is encouraged.

The table must have a cloth on it and napkins can be paper, but must be pretty.

Santa hats or antlers need to be on your head.

A Forever Gingerbread House

celebrations, family, Hand painted, holiday decor, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / December 13, 2020

One of our favorite holiday traditions is making gingerbread houses.

This started way back, when Sugarwings was even younger than in this photo. She would have a house that was a work in progress for a month or so, adding to it as a craft project for the whole holiday season.

We never ate any of the candy, and were adamant about calling the goodies “decorations” never candy. We saved them up and used them year to year, those candy pieces that come with the packaged houses do not rot. And I even wonder if they are edible anyway?

When Dewdrop came along, she joined in too with her own house. But learning about not eating the decorations was hard for her. We were constantly hollering, “That is older than you are!”

In the last few years with the addition of new grand fairies joining the group, we have turned Ginger Bread Night into a family event and I started stocking up on clearance priced kits at the end of the year. We still call out,

“Those decorations are older than Mayara!”

Because some of those gumdrops are honestly from ten years ago. No one is seriously tempted to eat them we just enjoy saying it.

When Ryan finally switched to a job where he could be around in the evenings, I discovered that he had an obsession with holiday baking shows and the Gingerbread wars were his favorite. We watched them together and would plan our own super structures. (They still turned out like badly done kits, which is what they were, but we loved dreaming that we could accomplish artistry.)

Sugarwings and I decided to build a gingerbread village from wooden birdhouses in honor of her uncle, who loved the creations so much.

I used some metal pieces painted white and buttons on mine.

The icing is puffy paint and glitter.

While mine is still not equal to the mastery of the shows Ryan and I watched together, I think that I do much better with paint than with royal icing.

And it had been awhile since I shared studio space with this kid. She is now a teen who doesn’t appreciate being photographed while trying to concentrate, so don’t judge the grumpy face pictured here. We had a great day together and look forward to making the rest of our village.

A year with few ornaments- A Pinecone Christmas

cottage, family, holiday decor, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / December 6, 2020

This year is different.

Way, way different.

I just wasn’t sure how I wanted to handle Christmas and vacillated between nothing or all out. When I contemplated not having any decor, I felt deflated. When I thought about facing the many giant tubs of Holiday Foof, I felt overwhelmed.

I knew that I needed brightness to cheer up the long stretch of oncoming cold and darkness. So, I thought I’d plug in a few strands of lights and add garlands over my windows, get out some prelit trees, and a few other things near the tops of the tubs.

Digging through decades of collected Christmas ornaments seemed to be asking for a crying jag. What could I come across that would break my heart? So, I decided that all I needed was some glitter and glow, not trees filled with handmade or lovingly collected vintage and family ornies.

A silver tree that I pulled from the closet already had some decorations from last year stuck in its branches. I left those and added a few glitter covered balls and other pieces that I typically considered “filler” not the main show. Nothing sentimental, just sparkly.

Usually, I go ALL OUT, like my hero, Clark Griswald does with his million, tiny, twinkle lights. I pack up every knick knack and replace it with holiday glee. This year, that was done on a minimal basis, I set up a few displays, but mostly just lights. And I was enjoying the process. As my house got more twinkly, I felt more joyful myself.

Then, I found a bag of pinecones in the back of the storage closet behind the unused tubs of memories that I tried to protect myself from. You never know when grief will strike you, and there is no amount of being careful that can avoid it.

A year ago, on one of our trail walks, I saw the perfect pinecones to make gnomes out of. We had Sugar with us, and were on a segment of our walk notorious for squirrels, so she was on full alert and ready to bolt at any time. Ryan and I had our little jokes, and one of them was that certain stretches of our walks were “danger zones” where we had to be cautious with Sugar or we’d be surprised by her leaping after her prey and jerking the leash from our hands. (I know, bad dog training on my part, not her fault).

As we’d turn a corner and come across these spots, one of us would always say, “watch out, we are going into a danger zone”. We thought it was an even funnier joke when we were walking poor, blind, old Twinkle who wouldn’t notice a squirrel if it sat on her head.

I wanted those pinecones, and we started grabbing them up as fast as we could and both stuffing them in our pockets, laughing hard, while joking that we had to hurry and get away from the danger zone. It was silly, but it was fun. That week, we gathered up a few more on other walks, laughing and filling our jacket pockets, rushing to get out of the squirrel infested area before Sugar took off.

Ryan and I had simple pleasures and repetitive conversations about little things. There wasn’t a single time we walked by that area without commenting, and Ryan offering to grab a few more pinecones. I said I had enough, we’d get more the next Christmas.

I had no idea there would not be another Christmas for my son.

Finding that bag of pinecones about wrecked me. After I recovered from sobbing over them, they made me smile. And I started tucking them into branches of a couple trees. I put Twinkle on her leash and we took a walk to that danger zone to fill a big bag with more, and brought those back to add to the holiday decor.

When I see the simplicity of a pinecone in a sparkling tree, it reminds me of Ryan and what we shared.

Another Memorial Tree for Ryan

dogs, Dorkies (Yorkshire Terrriers), family, Ryan

By Karla Nathan / November 27, 2020

When we lost Ryan, friends and family were generous in their out pouring of caring. Lots of kind messages and keepsakes came our way.

So much thoughtfulness, that I decided I needed to be a better friend. I saw examples of caring that touched me deeply and taught me how much reaching out to a person in pain helps them.

We were also given rose bushes and trees to plant which were meaningful, because Ryan had always been the guy who planted things for me. We have those around the area where we hung the wind chimes that came in his honor too.

Recently, long time friends had a Sunset Maple with a memorial plaque planted for our boy at the Lawrence Arboretum.

(It is the first tree on the left when you enter)

Ryan and I spent hours walking the dogs on trails, but had never been to this park yet. We typically strolled through trails and around ponds in the neighborhoods near us. We had started to explore some other walkways around town and were making a list of places we wanted to drive to. He would’ve liked the arboretum, and now that I’ve been there, it is a favorite of mine.