This week is the anniversary of my mom's death, and would have been my dad's birthday too. I'll always miss them, and often find myself reaching for the phone to tell Mom something, even after all these years. I especially miss Daddy during garden season, he loved to talk tomatoes with me.
When he died, there was some unpleasantness with his wife's family. She has Alzheimer's and there were a lot of issues about what to do and who should handle it. Not to go into sad and messy details, but there was nothing we could legally do to take care of her, and it ended on an ugly note.
But on my recent trip to Indiana, I did work up my nerve to go see her, and look what I got!!
My dad's ashes!!
(My stepmother was frail, but remembered me and welcomed me with open arms. I'm so glad that I went to see her.)
The ashes were an unexpected and emotional gift. My sisses and I toasted our dad, then divided his baggied remains three ways. Before he died, he had asked me to sprinkle some ashes on his garden, my garden, and the rest in Florida, at his favorite place.
So, it looks like we'll be planning a Sister Trip to Florida to fulfill his wishes!
(this photo is from my Mom's 75th birthday party)
I've got some photos to come of my bedroom, breezeway, and bathroom redos. But first I wanted to post about the Downey Dinner I went to in Indiana earlier July. Daddy would have liked that.
Of course, the food is always magnificent. I can never resist home baked bread, sugar cream pie, and home made noodles.
And its great to catch up with aunts, uncles, and cousins that I only see every few years or so.
But one thing that I really enjoyed about the reunion was seeing all of the hugs.
Every where I looked, there was a hug going on.
We might not see each other all the time, but when we do, we like to show our affection.
This is a family tradition that has carried on into my own branch of the family tree, too. My son, Ry, never leaves the room without giving me a hug or kissing me on the top of the head. And Sugarwings is a full speed hugger. When she sees her Pop Pop or me, she'll speed across the room and give us a full force, diving in, hug.
We might not come from a wealthy family, its mostly farmers. But what I inherited from our Downey clan is better than money.
A love of growing things, down home style food, and big hugs!
Sweet Karla,
Your post brings me tears and smiles – my mom passed away in 2006 and I lost my Papa (dad) March of this year. Oh, how we miss them!!
Hugs, Tami
What a BEAUTIFUL family! You brought tears to my eyes! I hope I am instilling in my son that warmth! He always gives the BEST hugs!!
I am so glad you get to honor your dad’s wishes. God Bless
This is such a poignant post. It speaks to the heart of all who have lost a parent.
To be able to fulfill your Dads request with your sisters will be a special time too. Thanks for sharing the Hugs and Hugs right back at you!!
Thanks for sharing Carla, such a warm story!!
-Kim
Karla, what a gift to recieve and what an honor. To know that your daddy will continue to be in everything that grows in your garden is such a blessing. He’ll always be just a petal away.
Family reunions are a joy to see…especially the food. As a matter of fact…I’ve got my eye on that chocolate sheet cake.
Deb
You are so blessed with such a wonderful large family.
Laraine
Love never goes out of style! It endures and makes life worthwhile. Glad that you had such a wonderful, hug filled trip!
Sandy
I am sure you were overwhelmed with emotion getting your dad’s ashes! I can imagine how I would feel to be given that gift, my dad has been gone for 22 years.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh so glad you get to take care of daddy’s wishes.
I wish we didn’t have family problems, life would be so much more enjoyable with all the love from our families
it’s the step family that gets in the way they just can’t accept us
What a wonderful time. Blessings to you and your family!
Oh, Karla — this is exactly where they belong. And you remind me, it’s time to spread Iris, my aunt, whose son sent us part of her to share with the lake. I hope your time together, taking care of your dad, will be a beautiful time of reflection and memory.
Karla….very poignant blog today, …. we brought my Mom’s ashes back from Pennsylvania recently, and buried them in Atchison County. It does bring a calming sense of closure to a sad situation, doesn’t it? Bless you with serenity now that you have your dear Dad with you at your home. Patty in Kansas
we’re huggers too…you are right, it is the best legacy!
It meant a great deal to my sister to have dads ashes. She visits moms grave and felt awful that she could never visit dads. I mostly felt bad because Id promised to sprinkle his ashes and didnt get to. It will be a relief to fulfill his wishes.
Sent from my iPad
How wonderful. Gosh, I miss those family get-togethers. Methinks it’s time for a trip to CA; in fact, it’s overdue! You are a fantastic hugger — you learned well my dear. And I’ll never forget Sugarwings running through the screen to get out to the garden quicker! Full speed is right! I hope she keeps that with her all her life.
Oh my…..family get togethers, lots of hugs and look at that food. And I see my favorite cookies….Lofthouse. Yum! We are huggers too and I thank God everyday that Mom, who is 87, is sharp as a tack. 🙂
Karla,
That’s a real life beautiful story. The food looks my church basement in Mitchell, South Dakota! I am so glad you went to visit your stepmother and got your father’s ashes. Now you can put him to rest as he wanted,
Hugs,
Suz
Nice article. Hugs to you little sis.
Hugs are essential to happiness. Hugs and multi-generations spending lots of time together. In my family we presently have 4 generations living in the same town. Priceless.
Wow, Karla! I’ve been so busy with setting up house projects that it’s been at least a week, since I was last here.
I’m glad you showed the pictures of your dad’s ashes. My mom has my dad’s and we still haven’t spread them. I wondered what they would look like, so seeing your dad’s really helped me know that I think I can spread them. I was a little worried about it.
Love and Hugs
~elaine~